Live Blog: My Day Off

9:52 AM: It’s a rare day off for me, and being the egalitarian sort, I thought I’d give you chumps stuck in the office an opportunity to enjoy my exotic day off vicariously.

10:02 AM: First order of business is to catch up on the last two episodes of the O.C on TIVO. It looks like last week's episode was pre-empted by Bush’s press conference, but they made up for it by running two episodes last night.

10:10 AM: O.C.: Nana (Seth’s grandma) is getting married! The O.C. crew is off to Miami Beach for the wedding. How considerate of Nana to get married in South Beach during spring break. I hope Ryan and Seth don’t jeopardize their rekindled relationships with Marissa and Summer by getting involved with spring break floosies.

10:16 AM: I went out on my deck, it looks like a nice day out, but I’m not really an outdoor person.

10:34 AM: OC: Uh, oh, Nana’s fiancé looks like a slick gold digger. Seth is fitting right in with the retirees. What do we have here, a hot grand daughter who can kick Seth’s ass in shuffle board. Remember Seth, you may be on a timeout with Summer, but she is your true love.

10:42 AM: OC: Summer is having dinner with old beau, Zach. The hot grand daughter beats Seth again at shuffleboard and wins their bet: Seth must now eat whipped cream off her at an MTV like spring break party. Gosh, I hope Summer isn’t watching during her dinner with Zack.

10:45 AM: OC: Wouldn’t you know, Seth’s whipped cream girl is a repressed Bible College student from Bob Jones University at spring break to give sin a try. Her boyfriend has chased down after her with his bible study posse. He just happens to tell the story to Ryan. There’s going to be trouble!

10:48 AM: OC: Trouble ahead, Seth and Whipped Cream Fallen Bible Girl (WCFBG) are on stage at the MTV spring break thing. Summer is watching, of course, while having dinner with Zach. WCFBG’s boyfriend has spotted them, and says to his bible study posse:
“It’s time to bring fire and brimstone down on her and that skinny little sinner.”
Dialog like that is what sets the OC apart from most of the crap on TV nowadays.

10:51 AM: OC: Seth and WCFBG win! But it looks like a pyrrhic victory as Summer is now kissing Zach and the WCFBG’s boyfriend and his posse are making their way to the stage.

10:53 AM: OC: Lame flirtation between Seth’s mom and Sandy’s wife Kirsten and the magazine editor continues. Kill off this story line, we all know nothing is going to happen. They kiss, but it is clearly a one last kiss before resisting temptation kiss. After magazine editor leaves, Kirsten puts the wine aside and breaks out the vodka.

11:00 AM: OC: They didn’t show the fight with the Bob Jones guys, just Seth and Ryan walking covered in whipped cream .. booooooo! Trey takes liberties with Marissa, but Marissa fights him off. Hey Trey, leave your brother’s girlfriend alone and stick with the hot, slutty cocaine sniffer who came on to you earlier in the show.

11:05 AM: OC: Episode two. Kirsten is still hitting the vodka and lying about it. I smell an alcoholism story line coming up. Seth is going to fess up to Summer about WCFBG, but she already knows. Sandy discovers Kirsten’s drinking.

11:14 AM: OC: Reviving the Summer-Seth-Zack triangle. Zack openly declares that he is going to try to win back Summer. Seth: “I thought you were a nice guy.” Zack:
“Wake up, I’m a water polo player. We’re never nice guys.” I think Machiavelli also warned about water polo players. Game on Seth vs Zach. The prize: Summer.

11:18 AM: OC: Marissa is just avoiding her attempted rapist Trey when she should have him arrested. Stop pining for the magazine guy, Kirsten, go on the romantic getaway with Sandy, and lay off the sauce. Oh, and lose magazine guy’s necklace.

11:42 AM: OC: Summer rips into hot comic book editor for driving wedge between her Seth and Zach. Hot comic book editor deftly co-opts Summer. Marissa tries to get hot and heavy with Ryan, but is having flash backs to Trey’s attempted rape.

11:55 AM: OC: Ex-porn star trophy wife Julie Cooper (Marissa’s Mom, married to Kirsten’s dad, who had an affair with her daughter’s ex-boyfriend … is the OC in the Appalachians?) finally gets served with divorce papers by Caleb. It’s revealed that Caleb had Julie followed even before their marriage and knew all about her affairs and such – well if that’s the case Caleb, why did you marry the slut in the first place?

11:57 AM: OC: The big fight between Zach and Seth at the comic book opening party. The OC is rightly esteemed for their party fights. Summer is told she has to choose between Zack and Seth. Wisely, she chooses neither.

11:59 AM: OC: Kirsten dramatically toys with taking off her wedding ring but then takes off the necklace. What a shock, I didn’t see that coming. Tear filled drunken cell phone reconciliation with Sandy; then her SUV is nailed by a truck. Just when you decide to get your life back together, you get nailed by a truck. Doesn’t it always happen that way on TV. Don’t worry about Kirsten though, she looks okay in the previews for next week.
Well, I hope you suckers enjoyed working while a caught up on two excellent hours of trash TV at its finest.

Now what to do? Maybe I’ll stop by the office and see what everyone is doing for lunch. No, that would be lame. I think I’ll try some of this outdoor stuff. Don’t worry I won’t be gone long. I can only take so much fresh air.

1:01 PM: That was a refreshing walk. It is a truly beautiful day out. I strongly recommend you ditch the office and take the rest of the day off. My walk put me in a Jimmy Buffet kind of mood. Fortunately, it just happened to take me by a liquor store, so I popped in for some margarita mix. But before I waste away in Margaritaville, I think I’ll take a quick nap.

2:45 PM: Refreshing nap on my deck. Seriously, if you are still at work leave now, no one will notice because you spend all day reading blogs anyway. It is nice enough for even me to turn off the TV, turn on Buffet, and sip margaritas on the deck.

2:56 PM: I check the mail; there is a letter from my bank:
“Congratulations! Because of your outstanding credit history, we are pleased to increase your VISA Credit Card limit from (large amount) to (obscenely large amount).”
Clearly my bank has been reading this blog and saw "good credit risk" written all over me.

3:33 PM: Margarita Musings I:
In his song “Folsom Prison Blues”, Johnny Cash sings that he “shot a man in Reno just to watch him die”. If he committed murder in Reno Nevada, why is he serving time in a California state prison? And no, there is no Reno California. And if the Reno murder isn’t why he’s serving time in Folsom, why bring it up? Things like this bother me.

4:25 PM: Margarita Musings II:
Why do decks have seams between the planks and not solid floors? I knocked over my margarita and spilled it on the stuff stored under my deck.

4:48 PM: Margarita Musings III:
I’ve been looking around my domicile, and couldn’t help but notice that there are places where the dust is thick enough for Margaret to grow petunias. I have a strong urge to do some dusting, but on further consideration, why should I? I’m the victim here. I haven’t been able to find an illegal alien to do my housework for months. They all want something like minimum wage anyway. I remember when illegal aliens were willing to do light housework for pennies an hour. I blame those so-called “Minutemen” for reducing the supply. When they’re done depriving me of my domestic help, they can come up here and dust my house.

6:33 PM: The most disappointing moment of any day off is the moment you realize that you’d now be off had you been working. You are no longer missing work, but merely enjoying the normal after work time. Alas, I’ve reached that moment, but all in all, it was a good day off.