Saturday, April 30, 2005

The Case of the Insulted Intern

Editors note: the quotes in this story are fictional. They represent the author's interpretation of what may have occured (but probably did not) behind the scenes at Air America Minnesota over the internship of Kubhi (sp?) and provide context for the general story. The moral of which is, if you go Swimming With Sharks like Nick Coleman, these things can happen.

Friday, April 22 was Kubhi's last day as an intern on The Nick Coleman Show on AM 950 - Air America Minnesota. During that show it was not announced that it would be his last day and he did not get an opportunity to bid listeners a fond farewell. Instead, on Monday, April 25, Nick Coleman made the announcement that Kubhi's internship had ended. This period was proceeded by a diminished role for Kubhi on the show which was acknowledged by the host, but never fully explained.

I have yet to have the chance to interview Kubhi (if your out there and would like to give the Nihilist an exclusive, drop me a comment). However, here is my interpretation of key events of the Kubhi/Coleman era.

Day 1:
Nick: What I am concerned with is detail. I asked you go get me a packet of Sweet-N-Low. You bring me back Equal. That isn't what I asked for. That isn't what I wanted. That isn't what I needed and that shit isn't going to work around here.

Kubhi: I, I just thought...

Nick: You thought. Do me a f***ing favor. Shut up, listen, and learn. Look, I know that this is your first day and you don't really know how things work around here, so I will tell you. You have no brain. No judgement calls are necessary. What you think means nothing. What you feel means nothing. You are here for me. You are here to protect my interests and to serve my needs. So, while it may look like a little thing to you, when I ask for a packet of Sweet-N-Low, that's what I want. And it's your responsibility to see that I get what I want.

Day 35
Kubhi: That's a bagel stain.
Dawn: Bagel stain?
Kubhi: I put too much cream cheese on Nick's bagel and he threw it at me. But I learned a very valuable lesson... never put too much cream cheese on Nick's bagel.

Day 42
Nick: You are nothing! If you were in my toilet I wouldn't bother flushing it. My bathmat means more to me than you!

April 22
Nick: Say this one time with me: "Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?" ...Good. Now memorize it, because starting tomorrow, the only job that you're going to be able to get is selling SHOES!


Blogger Chad The Elder said...

Sounds like a great idea for a movie. How about Kevin Spacey as Nick?

8:57 PM  

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