Friday, April 22, 2005

Top 11 Things I Learned Running For Pope

It's been a tough week, as Benedict XVI defeated me in my quest for the papacy. However, unlike Al Gore and John Kerry, I responded not with whining and lawyers, but by rededicating myself to blogging. Still, I'd like to reflect on some things I learned in my quest for the keys:

11. Karl Rove is nowhere near as effective as some of the Vatican power brokers
10. The Pope has e-mail:
9. Campaigning for the papacy is a sure way not to win
8. Nick Coleman is a jackass (ok, I didn't exactly just learn that, but it needs to be said yet again)
7. CNN and the NY Times don't carry a lot of weight at the Vatican
6. I need to brush up on my Latin
5. The bigger the job, the dirtier the tricks need to be
4. Doing an Elvis impersonation on the hymns at mass is not always appreciated
3. Time spent researching Jimmy Carter's confrontation with the killer rabbit is time that could be spent campaigning
2. If you know your opponent was in the Hitler Youth, get that information out to the public before the vote
1. Even a billionaire like Sisyphus can't bribe the Holy Spirit

Since the vote was secret, we'll never know how many cardinals supported me. I will have to assume 30 or so. More importantly, it is the official position of the NIGP staff that we congratulate Pope Benedict XVI and wish him a long and successful tenure. Our souls may depend on it!


Post a Comment

<< Home