Thursday, July 15, 2010

Top 11 Plans For George Steinbrenner's Funeral This Saturday As Stipulated In His Will

11. Tickets to Yankees owners box for that day's game to be scalped outside church

10. Assistant to the Traveling Secretary to give eulogy

9. Calzones will be served in the church basement following the service

8. Jason Alexander will do donuts in the church parking lot with the casket tied to his bumper

7. He is to be buried wearing Lou Gehrig's pants

6. Remove Billy Martin's body and be buried in his gravesite, and his subsequent gravesites, up to five times.

5. All attendees required to refer to themselves in the third person

4. A Minneapolis sportswriter will note that Steinbrenner did a lot of good deeds that no one ever knew about

3. Presiding minister will be fired and replaced halfway through the service

2. Steinbrenner's ego to have its own coffin

1. Pallbearers to paid millions to be lured away from other high profile funerals that day


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