Top 11 Al Gore Excuses for His Behavior with the Portland Masseuse

11) Second chakra clogged due to global warming

10) It's an inconvenient truth, Portland makes him really horny

9) Everything he did was appropriate according to his Clinton White House HR manual

8) Who can possibly control themselves around a 50 year old woman?

7) He was told by the Nobel Committee that the Peace Prize entitles him to free hand jobs anywhere, anytime

6) That's the last time he takes advice on how to order room service from Tiger Woods

5) Big misunderstanding over his shouting: "I want to see Bush exposed now!"

4) Foolishly ignored Tipper's warnings on the perils of listening to satanic rock and roll lyrics

3) Based on the treatment he gets from media, he assumed everybody wants to jack him off

2) This plan uses way less carbon than firing up the Internet to look for porn

1) Hey, at least he didn't ask for a Lewinsky