President Obama's Top 11 Excuses for Failing to Stop the Gulf Oil Leak

11. There is no one qualified to fix the leak running against an incumbent in a Democratic primary

10. Too preoccupied with his search for Osama Bin Laden

9. Practicing for his master plan: hitting enough golf balls into the leak to clog it

8. Plans to get on it as soon as he finishes his series of state dinners with surviving members of Jerry and the Pacemakers

7. Can't get the morons at BP to listen to James Cameron

6. Can’t get the morons at BP to listen to Ron Jeremy

5. Was planning on taking a class on plugging undersea oil wells at Harvard, but it met at the same time as The Science of Pan-Africanism, Radical Feminism and Hip Hop

4. Like George Bush, he hates black people

3. Under the mistaken impression that the gulf leak crisis has something to do with Joe Biden urinating on golf courses again

2. Still working out details to plug the hole with 700 billion one dollar bills from US Treasury

1. Not sure where people got this idea that government could fix everything