Top 11 Items in the Star Tribune Plan to Exit Bankruptcy

According to the Star Tribune, the Star Tribune has filed plans to exit bankruptcy in the fall. Since we don't trust bankrupt organizations, we didn't bother to read the article. So here is our guess on the Top 11 Items in the Star Tribune plan to exit bankruptcy.

11) From now on, report only good news

10) Start a new section devoted exclusively to news about Brett Favre joining the Vikings

9) Get James Lileks to exploit even more exciting new media platforms; next up, CB radio broadcasts

8) Continuing to work really hard to get DFL supermajority, then press for a taxpayer bailout

7) Aggressively pursue City Pages' lucrative S&M escort advertising market

6) Replace the old and tired "Blog House" with the fresh, new "Twitter Condo"

5) Follow new Obama-era legal precedent of screwing debtholders and transferring financial assets to union employees

4) Sunday paper to become nothing but coupons

3) Adopt local conservative radio business model and get people to work for free (oops, already trying that)

2) Put a large photo of Obama on the front page of every edition

1) Start presenting both sides of every issue, DFL and Green Party