Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Top 11 Predicted Announcements During Pawlenty's Surprise 2:00 PM Press Conference

11) Based on positive focus group feedback, changing his name to Tim Good N' Pawlenty

10) In advance of MN State Supreme Court ruling, signing an executive order to immediately deport Al Franken to Nigeria

9) Rolling out his new executive branch paperless office initiative: "No New Faxes".

8) He'll be suiting up for the Pittsburgh Penguins tonight as they desperately try to add some scoring punch to lineup

7) He will be unallotting operating funds for the Minnesota Senate and House of Representatives in 2010.

6) He will not run for reelection in 2010 because nobody could possibly hope to beat the John Marty for Governor juggernaut

5) He's converted to Islam and will soon be joining fellow Minnesotans waging jihad in Somalia

4) He's suddenly taken an interest in all things Iowan and will be spending the next three years in the state so he can study the culture more closely

3) Official protest that Carol Molnau was not included on Playboy's recent Top 10 Conservative women list

2) Resigning as Governor in favor of a wise Latina woman to be named later

1) Just wants to remind everyone that Wisconsin sucks


Blogger John F Not Kerry said...

Pawlenty is getting out of politics so his wife will have more sex with him.

3:42 PM  

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