Top Eleven Things The U.S. Is Also Not At War With

11. Chris Brown. Just because Rihanna "doesn't know when to shut up" doesn't mean he wants to punch everyone.

10. Vin Diesel's career; just because he sucks doesn't mean we won't pay 72.5 million to watch

9. So You Think You Can Dance; just because one contestant raped 4 women doesn't mean all the contestants raped 4 women 

8. Italian Earthquakes

7. Judd Apatow--though this may change if he doesn't stop releasing a movie every 7 seconds

6. Tom Brady; just because he dumped  Bridget Moynihan for forgetting to take her pill  doesn't mean he won't make a fine husband to Giselle Bundchen

5. Farrah Fawcett's impending death

4. Over-the-counter meds

3. Remaining band-member reunions, Paul and Ringo notwithstanding

2. Kelly Clarkson, despite our valiant war on obesity

1. The environment, despite all those stupid bumper-stickers