Top 11 Reasons Newt Gingrich Recently Converted To Catholicism

11. Pretty sure he's done getting divorced now

10. Has heard good things about this heaven place

9. Inspired by the witness of ardent Catholic politicians like Nancy Pelosi

8. Wants to take a half day on Good Friday

7. Looking for a quick way to get back to being hated and reviled by the secular Left again

6. Really got a kick out of Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act

5. Converted for the jokes

4. Heard that the Church is bringing back indulgences and he has a really long list of sins that he wants forgiven

3. Looking forward to giving up taxes for Lent

2. Two words: plaid skirts

1. Thinks he's got a shot at becoming the first St. Newt