Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Top 11 Predicted Americans Barack Obama Will Reference He Met with While on the Campaign Trail

Chad the Elder notes the litany of misery trotted out by Hillary Clinton during her DNC speech yesterday:

I will always remember the single mom who had adopted two kids with autism. She didn't have any health insurance, and she discovered she had cancer. But she greeted me with her bald head, painted with my name on it, and asked me to fight for health care for her and her children.


I will always remember the young man in a Marine Corps T-shirt who waited months for medical care. And he said to me, "Take care of my buddies. A lot of them are still over there. And then will you please take care of me?"

And I will always remember the young boy who told me his mom worked for the minimum wage, that her employer had cut her hours. He said he just didn't know what his family was going to do.

Wallowing in this kind of melodrama is common in the rhetoric of Democrats running for office. And Hillary certainly set a high standard with her speech on Tuesday.

Barack Obama comes on stage for his acceptance speech tomorrow night. I'm certain he'll also painstakingly recount the suffering he encountered among the American people on the campaign trail. If he wants to outdo Hillary, he better have anecdotes of meeting with at least some of the following people:

11) undocumented worker and community college student who is lactose intolerant

10) a homeless school teacher with no health insurance and a bad case of scurvy

9) a hunchback carnie with a three-legged dog

8) Lobster Boy

7) a Tuvan throat singer with no elbow joints

6) an angry White male clinging to his guns and his religion

5) a depressed but brilliant artist without health insurance who cut off his own ear and eventually killed himself before his genius was recognized

4) a senior citizen and avid outdoorsman who was shot in the face by a deranged puppet master for an evil administration

3) an African-American lesbian from New Orleans who because of Katrina and high gas prices can't afford to travel to Walter Reed to visit her disabled partner who was wounded in Iraq because of a lack of sufficient body armor

2) a Hispanic man who was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning he breaks his legs, and every afternoon he breaks his arms. At night, he lies awake in agony until his heart attacks put him to sleep

1) Al Franken

UPDATE: another candidate emerges, a delegate no less from New Jersey:

Maysoon Abdelhady says she is the perfect Democratic National Convention delegate.

"I was recruited because I'm a woman. I'm a Palestinian. I'm a Muslim. I'm disabled and, because I'm 30 and still not married, people think I’m gay."

The Nihilist adds a bonus (13th) to the list:
A painter, who was a veteran of the Great War, who excitedly read to me a manuscript detailing "his struggle." He told me of how he was disturbed at seeing his once great country sink so low under such failed leadership. He asked me to help establish a new National Socialism.


Blogger DiscordianStooge said...

None of them are a North Vietnamese prison guard who is a Christian, so no good at all.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous paris hanoi said...


The NVA prison guard doesn't fit the Dems narrative for two reasons.

1. he's real

2. he's not a victim

1:29 PM  
Blogger Terry_Jim said...

..S ure,
..I think
h E' s the
..G reatest chance to

..H elp
thE struggling
paI nter
..L ive again.

10:30 PM  

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