Top 11 Plans Congress has for Increasing its Approval Rating

11. “Windfall Popularity Tax” will be assessed on President Bush

10. Alcee Hastings, William Jefferson, and John Murtha will offer 50% off on all bribes

9. Robert Byrd to host a bonfire

8. Free Nancy Pelosi bobble head for the first 50,000 visitors to the Capitol

7. Barney Frank to offer free personal grooming advice to all Americans

6. Reinstate the Fairness Doctrine

5. Gang bang with Monica Lewinsky on Capitol Mall

4. Thursdays will be Hawaiian Shirt day

3. Nationalize polling companies that measure Congressional approval ratings

2. Henry Waxman will hold hearings into why the American people are such stupid and ungrateful hicks

1. Congress will send out checks to each American as part of its approval stimulus plan