Monday, March 10, 2008

Top 11 Reasons Elliot Spitzer Patronized High-End Prostitutes

11. Was under the mistaken impression he could pardon himself

10. Doing his part to stimulate the economy

9. The manuscript for his autobiography was universally rejected for being "really dull"

8. His wife wants to run for President

7. Trying to live up to Bill Richardson's description of him as "the future of the (Democratic) party"

6. After winning title "Crusader of the Year" from Time magazine, was gunning for coveted "John of the Year" award from COYOTE

5. Already had every street hooker in NYC

4. Screwing the taxpayers of New York gets boring after a while

3. Wanted to try to win another "Businessperson of the Year" award for helping out small businesses like the Emperors Club

2. Was not visiting the prostitutes for sex--he was just checking that their worker's comp insurance was up to date

1. No woman would voluntarily sleep with a guy named Elliot


Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

It beats patronizing low-end prostitutes

6:56 PM  
Blogger Pauli said...

In his boring pseudo-confession, I was waiting for the teary admission of "I AM A HORNY AMERICAN", a la Jim Greevy. But that doesn't work unless your gay.

9:02 AM  

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