Top 11 Things (Besides the $70 Million) Dan Rather Is Asking For In His Lawsuit

11. John Hinderaker has to be his butler

10. Kenneth ordered by the court to reveal the frequency

9. Allowed to walk off the witness stand if trial coverage is delayed by a tennis match

8. All hurricanes henceforth referred to as dannicanes

7. Katie Couric may never, ever wear a safari jacket on the air

6. Les Moonves must read a prepared statement admitting he’s “lower than a snake's belly”

5. An admission from CBS that no one has ever proved that George W. Bush is not literally the anti-Christ

4. If they ever bring back "In Search Of", Lucy Ramirez must be the first subject

3. More liberals in TV newsrooms

2. Shutdown of this dangerous internet thingy

1. He gets a royalty every time CBS News commits journalistic fraud in the future