Top 11 Features of Led Zeppelin's Reunion Tour

11. They're as sick of playing "Stairway to Heaven" as we are of hearing it

10. Opening act: Brian May of Queen presenting his PHD thesis

9. Still haven't found that confounded bridge

8. More insufferable baby boomers than you can possibly imagine

7. Surprisingly, the band won't be getting their healthcare from the superior Cuban government-run system

6. Band members agree that selling their dignity today is more shameful than selling their souls to the devil in the '70s

5. Reworded version of "Trampled Underfoot" to become a tribute to Lady Di

4. Skin-tight jeans replaced by elastic-waist slacks

3. Band members destitute enough to pretend they can stand one another

2. Angry rant warning audience to stay off band members' lawns

1. They still have 20 minute solos, this time it's to allow Robert Plant enough time to urinate