Top 11 Most Shocking Revelations In Latest Bin Laden Tape

11. Larry Craig is gay

10. Condemned Michael Vick for his cruelty to animals

9. When he endorsed Muslims "dying" for a cause, he was referring to his beard

8. It's real and it's spectacular!

7. Bin Laden admits he has hair plugs, just like Bert Blyleven and Chuck Schumer.

6. He's in relatively good health, at least compared to Joe Mauer

5. He's giving "two thumbs up" to Leonardo DiCaprio's 11th Hour

4. Felt that “Sicko” wasn’t quite as good as “Fahrenheit 9-11”

3. Revealed that Zawahiri also has a “wide stance”

2. When your life consists of living in a cave and reading Noam Chomsky, becoming a suicide bomber doesn't sound so bad.

1. Said he wouldn’t have ordered 9-11 had America spent more on infrastructure