Top 11 Reasons Bill Parcells Has Retired as Coach of the Dallas Cowboys

11. Wants to devote full time to his trademark infringement lawsuit against Nancy Pelosi over the “Big Tuna” nickname

10. After being outed in this photograph, could never face his players again


9. Honoring vow: “The day Rex Grossman makes the Super Bowl as a starting quarterback is the day I retire from football.”

8. Honoring vow: “The day Peyton Manning doesn’t choke in an AFC title game is the day I retire from football.”

7. Won his soul back in a fiddling contest with Jerry Jones

6. Every time he asked Tony Romo to bring him some ribs, he refused

5. The Cowboys have a rule prohibiting coaches from dating the cheerleaders

4. Saw the Al Gore movie on global warming and decided to move somewhere colder than Dallas

3. After working with Terrell Owens he has all the experience necessary to start a chain of daycares

2. Going to concentrate on his hobby - receiving heart bypass operations

1. Starring in new reality series, “Dancing with the Retired NFL Coaches”