Sunday, December 03, 2006

What's In A Name Calling?

My great-aunt Gertrude and uncle Ogden are a pair of those annoying people who write a Christmas letter. In fact, the week after Thanksgiving their letter arrives telling a bunch of useless stories (I won't bore you with examples other than to say there was a half page about how Ogden is basically too cheap to buy a new lawn mower). However there was one interesting item in this year's letter that I think bears sharing:

In November, we decided to drive down to Branson, Missouri with Marge and Bob Gunderson. . . (ed: skipping irrelivent information like how they stopped at a Bob Evans restaurant along the way, etc.). That night the four of us planned to go see Yakov Smirnoff at his comedy club. Unfortunately, he wasn't there. His replacement comedian was Jaleel White, who you may remember as Urkell from the hilarious TV show "Family Matters." (ed: the last comment gives a deep insight into the soul of aunt Gertrude).

We arrived slightly late, and Jaleel White appeared annoyed with us. Bob Gunderson's hearing aid battery was pretty much dead, so after each joke, he'd yell to Marge, "What did he say?" Apparently Bob's yelling really upset Jaleel White, because he stopped the show and addressed out table.

"You Darned honkeys! If you pulled that stuff in my hood, we'd steal your hubcaps!"

We were horrified. Jaleel White continued his rant.

"Look at him. He's a honkey! A honkey! Probably eats a peanut butter sandwich on Wonder Bread. And I'm sure it's not chunky peanut butter either, only smooth peanut butter for honkeys! Darn you, honkey! You hear me, honkey? Hey, security! Escort that honkey to the door. He's a honkey! A honkey!"

Marge and I were in tears. We were humiliated. Ogden and Bob escorted us out and then went to complain to the club manager. The manager refunded our show tickets, comped our drinks, and gave us each $10 discount passes to Persimmon Hill Berry Farm, where we picked up some nice jelly. But that could not erase the pain we felt at having TV's beloved Urkell deride us in such an insensitive manner.

Wow! I can't imagine something like that happening in this more enlightened day and age!


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