Victim Victorious

Unlike some people, I can only handle a few running gags on my blog. However, I am toying with a new gag, an award to the best personification of victimhood. As we know, there is no greater class in America than the victims. People aspire to victimhood. It gives them power. Who in America doesn't want to be able to claim mistreatment at the hands of the powerful, whether the powerful be big business, the government or some comedian, people seek out that status.

There are a few truisms of victimhood. Of course we all know that "protected" class status helps make one worthy of victimhood. But that rule isn't hard and fast. Bill Clinton was a victim because he was called to account for his immoral sexual behavior (oral sex with an employee, accusals of rape and harassment from several women). Yet he attained victimhood by having the correct politics. And there are other rules. Truly being downtrodden doesn't make for good victimhood. Americans like their victims to have a little more power. Cynthia McKinney made the perfect victim. A black, female member of US Congress who was treated roughly after failing to show proper identification to a police officer while entering a secured area. What a claim!

This week several more cases of victimhood broke out. Singer Clay Aiken was rebuked by talk show host Kelly Ripa when he placed his hand over her mouth during a taping of her show. Kelly's insensitive reply after pushing his hand away was "I don't know where that hand's been, honey." Rosie O'Donnell, who is in the victim minting business immediately declared the multi-platinum singer a victim, stating that Ripa implied his hand had recently been fondling some guy. Never mind the impoliteness of Aiken placing his tainted hand on Ripa's mouth.

In all of my study of victimhood, I can't think of a more perfect example of victimhood than Derek Jeter. Jeter, who makes about $20 million per year to play baseball for the New York Yankees, finished second in the Most Valuable player voting to Minnesota Twins slugger Justin Morneau. MVP is an award that is based on two statistics, home runs and runs batted in and some intangible sense of worth that is undefined. Morneau had 34 home runs and 130 RBIs to Jeter's 14 and 97. Over the last 5 years the MVPs of both leagues averaged 43 home runs and 119 RBIs. Morneau's total is slightly light in homers, fairly strong in RBIs. Jeter lags considerably in both. However, the New York media has made Jeter a victim because his strong intangibles trump Morneau's superior numbers. After all, Jeter is Yankee team captain, a designation that holds a truly intangible meaning, as no other teams in baseball have named a captain last year (note: I didn't look this up, so it's possible that one or two of the 30 teams has done so).

So there you have it: Derek Jeter, victim of the week.