Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Top 11 Reasons Former Minneapolis City Council Member Dean Zimmerman Is Looking Forward to Prison

Former Minneapolis City Councilman and Green Party member Dean Zimmerman is to be sentenced today in federal court after being convicted of bribery. According to the Star Tribune, he is actually looking forward to certain aspects of prison. Here are the top 11 reasons:

11. Prison is great for reducing your carbon footprint

10. His fellow inmates will honor him as a king after he convinces the warden to institute a prison-wide smoking ban

9. Wants a career writing country music

8. Prison now actually safer than living in Minneapolis

7. Has a brother already doing time for Driving While Polish and after watching too much prime-time FOX, decided this is a good way to break him out

6. Former fellow Minneapolis Council members Joe Biernat and Brian Herron always talking about how much fun they had in prison

5. Wants to participate in a big song and dance number like the prisoners in the Broadway musical "Chicago"

4. Great stepping stone to the Washington D.C. City Council

3. Hoping to someday share a cell with Bonnie Bleskachek

2. Prison beats installing garage door openers in December

1. Being told what to do and when to do it, all day, every day sounds like a socialist utopia


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