Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Top 11 Highlights of the Iraq Study Group Report

11. All flying Imams will automatically get second package of pretzels without needing to ask

10. To avoid offending Muslim sensibilities, President Bush is urged to grant concessions to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears in exchange for their agreement to wear underpants

9. The First Gulf War is to hereafter be referred to as “The Kick-Ass Gulf War”

8. True name "Iraq Surrender Group" revealed

7. The TV networks are called on to make more episodes of “Matlock” and “Murder She Wrote”

6. The doctor who did James Baker's hair plugs to be placed on the terrorist watch list

5. Asserts that Tom Cruise’s plan for convincing people that he is straight is “Not Working”

4. They recommend against drinking the water that was recently discovered on Mars

3. Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy extended to Iranian nukes

2. Agreed to accept Michael Richards’ apology provided he enters rehab

1. Proved once again that study groups work best when one nerdy guy does all the work and the rest drink beer and flirt with the one hot chick


Anonymous MFB said...

In a further concession to garner Iranian support, US forces to strip naked and leave their uniforms, weapons, and equipment behind when they leave Iraq

Dearborn, Michigan is to be ceded to the Islamic Republic

US Constitution to be amended so that all Presidential war-making powers are surrendered to the Committee In Chief

Breakfast Club-like movie to be made showing the behind the scenes workings of the ISG

Bashar Assad gets to give President Bush an atomic wedgie

5:13 PM  
Blogger Pauli said...

Who gets to be part of the paddle machine that all the Israelis will have to go through?

1:27 PM  

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