Cynical Vikings Guy Previews the NFC North

I planned to preview the NFC North last week, before the start of the season, but I had to make my emergency trip to Vegas to bet against the Packers. I nearly made the trip again this week seeing that the New Orleans Hurricane Evacuees are only two point favorites over the Pack, but my sense of duty to the readers kicked in. Here is my NFC North preview:

4. Green Bay Packers 0-16
The Packers look to be the first team to not win a game since the advent of the sixteen game season. Packer fans will talk about how brilliant it was for the Packers front office to secure the first pick in the 2007 draft.

3. Detroit Lions 6-10
The Lions are guaranteed at least two victories against the Packers and actually looked good in their narrow loss to the Seahawks in week one, but come on, they’re the Lions. They will do no better than 6-10.

2. Minnesota Vikings 9-7
I’m told that the Vikes looked pretty good against the Skins on Monday night, especially on defense. Brad Johnson may be one of the most accurate passers of all time as demonstrated by his ability to put the football between Troy Robinson’s hands without the football actually touching either hand.

The Vikings will be in the playoff hunt until week 17 when they will lose out on the last playoff spot on a bad call by the officials. The Vikings will have the worst draft pick of all NFL teams not making the playoffs (a position that should be known as the Viking’s pick).

1. Chicago Bears 10-6
The Bears do have a good defense and do play for the number 3 media market in the country, so the NFL will want them to win. Still, there are offensive worries in the windy city as demonstrated by the fact that they only managed to score 26 points against the pathetic Packers defense. The Bears will win the North, but expect an early exit from the playoffs.