Top 11 New Slogans For The New York Times

11. ALL THE NEWS THAT EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW ABOUT ANYWAY

10. ABOVE THE LAW SINCE 1789

9. IF YOU ARE A TERRORIST PLEASE DON’T READ THIS

8. LIKE DAILY KOS WITHOUT THE F-WORD

7. SOMEONE PLEASE GO ON A DATE WITH MAUREEN DOWD BEFORE SHE DRIVES US ALL TOTALLY NUTS

6. AT LEAST WE’RE NOT SUBSIDIZED BY THE TAX PAYER LIKE NPR AND THE C.I.A.

5. HEY, WE COMFORT THE AFFLICTED AND YOU’VE GOT TO ADMIT THAT AL-QAEDA IS PRETTY AFFLICTED

4. HEY, WE AFFLICT THE COMFORTABLE AND YOU’VE GOT TO ADMIT THAT AMERICA IS PRETTY COMFORTABLE

3. IT’S MEAN AND HURTS OUR FEELINGS WHEN WE ARE CALLED AL-NEW YORK TIMES

2. AT LEAST WE DON’T GAMBLE OR TAKE VIAGRA LIKE CERTAIN OTHER PEOPLE WE COULD MENTION

1. FOR EVERY CANCELLED SUBSCRIPTION WE’RE GIVING TWO FREE ONES TO AL-QAEDA