Friday, June 30, 2006

The Ukraine Is Weak

I don't care that much about the World Cup, I just wanted to post that header. Actually, I am developing a World Cup theory. Soccer proficiency is inversely proportional to a country's military strength. Therefore, the country with the worse army is likely to win the soccer match.

Witness world cup victories by France, Brazil and Argentina recently as a test of this theory. With England, Portugal, Brazil and France in the quarterfinals and Italy and Germany in the semis, the race is wide open. Only England appears to have no chance under my system.

6 Comments:

Blogger Jeff Fecke said...

Germany beat Argentina. Theory refuted. Besides, if this theory was true, Trinidad and Tobago would be streaking to the Cup right now.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

Mr. Fecke,

The theory isn't hard and fast. After all, in how many world wars did Argentina get their butts kicked?

Second of all, I'm not sure how relatively strong the amred forces of the two various countries are (although I suspect a review of Jane's would indeed show Germany to be superior).

Third, any good theory contains special exceptions and maybe I could develope one for home field advantage.

Finally, the theory might still hold some weight and not work out 100% correctly for all matches.

I would suggest that the US (who won no games) has the strongest military in the world. Russia, China and Israel are probably second through fourth and they did not qualify.

England, who got knocked out today was probably the only military "power" with any degree of World Cup success.

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your theory is on the right path, after all, the World Cup is governed by FIFA, an international organization which seeks to redistribute wealth and influence via the soccer field.
It's like the UN, in that it's the only arena in which Ghana, Portugal, or Paraguay can exert influence.

Like the UN, FIFA seeks 'one-world' rules for its member nations.

And much of the funny officiating we've seen in this Cup smells of the UN's "Oil for Food" scandal.

You can generally identify which teams represent nations with weak military power...they usually have the players who play 'victim' to the referee, by rolling around on the ground clutching their forehead even though they got kicked on the knee.

Nations with reasonably strong armies such as USA, England, and Australia don't have players whom go into histrionics everytime an opponent grazes him, because, chances are, the player has a neighbor, cousin, or buddy back home who is in the Army, and would kick his ass for behaving like a wimp in front of a billion TV viewers.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Argentina tacitly supported the Axis in WWII, although they were officially neutral.(wimps) They lasted about 2 weeks against the British in the Falklands or about the time it took for the British fleet to get there. Brazil, on the other hand supported the US in WWII and even saw some action in Italy. They were beaten by France in the cup, who...well we all know how france did in the war, except for the resistance.

7:48 PM  
Blogger Chad The Elder said...

The theory is refuted by France (a verified nuclear power) beating Brazil (probably not a nuclear power) and Germany beating Argentina. A squad of German troops could take Argentina down.

10:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Theory is correct. Insignificant militaries (either because of capability or will) versus one another means a toss-up. Brazil vs. France is a toss-up according to the theory.

I'll pose the Theory behind the Theory. There are Men (in the heroic sense) in every country. If a government stifles manliness in one area (meaningful areas such as National Defense and Defense of the Weak), those Men will find some outlet for their excellence.

I found meself cheering incessantly for France (!) yesterday. Surprised me, too. Their players were heroic, and executed a plan well.

The sick part will be watching French politicians try to suck up some of the glory for themselves, should the team win.

signed,
pikkumatti

(I can't find my blogger id).

9:24 AM  

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