Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Top 11 Indications That Castro May Die Soon

11. Recent heat wave may well be Hell opening its doors for him

10. The C.I.A hasn’t been trying to kill him lately

9. Castro’s last speech was only two hours long instead of his usual eight

8. Matt Entenza has hired private investigators to do opposition research on Fidel’s other possible successors

7. Ted Turner and Steven Spielberg are always down in the dumps when they get off the phone with Havana

6. After eight decades of constant exposure to deadly secondhand smoke, he’s got to be about ready to drop dead

5. The latest Minnesota Poll reports that 52% of Minnesotans think Castro will live forever

4. Joe Wilson has gone to Havana and found no evidence that Castro is dead

3. Castro’s arteries have to be totally clogged from the two pounds of Wisconsin sharp cheddar he eats every day

2. Karl Rove would like to see another liberal icon bite the dust so that the Democrats will embarrass themselves with yet another tasteless funeral/political rally

1. Fidel has been spending a lot of time in North Minneapolis lately


Blogger Margaret said...

Why Spielberg? Don't you mean Oliver Stone or did I miss some news tidbit?

1:00 PM  
Blogger Sisyphus said...



At the time Spielberg was quoted as calling his meeting with Castro "the greatest seven hours of my life" -- although he later denied saying that, he was still sucking up to Fidel on that trip.

I could have used Oliver Stone or numerous other celebrity Castro lovers.

1:15 PM  
Blogger pinkmonkeybird said...

#12) After all those Cubans he's smoked all his life, his brown, cracked lungs are even more leathery than Marcus Aurelius's baseball mit.

11:34 PM  

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