Top 11 Indications That Castro May Die Soon

11. Recent heat wave may well be Hell opening its doors for him

10. The C.I.A hasn’t been trying to kill him lately

9. Castro’s last speech was only two hours long instead of his usual eight

8. Matt Entenza has hired private investigators to do opposition research on Fidel’s other possible successors

7. Ted Turner and Steven Spielberg are always down in the dumps when they get off the phone with Havana

6. After eight decades of constant exposure to deadly secondhand smoke, he’s got to be about ready to drop dead

5. The latest Minnesota Poll reports that 52% of Minnesotans think Castro will live forever

4. Joe Wilson has gone to Havana and found no evidence that Castro is dead

3. Castro’s arteries have to be totally clogged from the two pounds of Wisconsin sharp cheddar he eats every day

2. Karl Rove would like to see another liberal icon bite the dust so that the Democrats will embarrass themselves with yet another tasteless funeral/political rally

1. Fidel has been spending a lot of time in North Minneapolis lately