Friday, March 24, 2006

Top 11 Revelations About Fidel Castro Provided By His Former Aide

The Miami Herald has an interview with a former member of Fidel Castro’s inner circle who reveals such details as Fidel has his underwear incinerated so that he can’t be assassinated by chemicals added during laundering. NIGP has obtained additional Fidel tidbits and now we are prepared to reveal the top 11:

11. Fidel can't tell the difference between a Cuban cigar and a good Dominican

10. The real reason he has his underwear incinerated: So that the C.I.A. can’t steal it and use high-tech imaging techniques to create a model of his penis

9. Reads Power Line every day

8. Thinks Stephen Spielberg is a pretentious prick, but he did like “ET”

7. Is rooting for North Dakota in the NCAA Hockey Tournament

6. Hugo Chavez makes him nervous too

5. Briefly toyed with the idea of no longer jailing homosexuals after watching “Brokeback Mountain”

4. Believes that army fatigue green brings out his flesh tones nicely

3. Secretly wonders if he goes on a little long at times

2. Hurt that he wasn't given any screen time in The Godfather Part II

1. The beard is a fake


Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

Grew the beard to cover acne scars that would embarass Edward James Olmos

7:18 PM  

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