Top 11 Other Assurances MN Senate Majority Leader Dean Johnson has Received from the Minnesota Supreme Court

Last week, Pioneer Press hobby columnist Craig Westover exposed the claims of DFL MN Senate Majority Leader Dean Johnson that he had received assurances from members of the MN Supreme Court that they would not overturn state statutes preventing gay marriage, thus making the Defense of Marriage Amendment unnecessary. NIGP has learned that that is not the only assurance Senator Johnson has received from the Supreme Court, here are the top 11:

11. Alan Page will recuse himself if the Vikings sex cruise case comes up on appeal

10. The Court will not interfere with the Craig Westover tax audit

9. No more Andersons will be allowed to sit on the court unless one of the current Andersons steps down

8. Senator Johnson will not be invited back to the next off-the-record Supreme Court Toga Party

7. They will not interfere with his lawsuit against MPR for the "Johnson on Johnson" headline

6. Since the Supreme Court has to stand for re-election too, they will not allow Garrison Keillor to move “A Prairie Home Companion” out of the state

5. The Court will not enforce any of Hugh Hewitt’s Minnesota titles

4. They will not uphold any rioting convictions if the rioters were celebrating the University of Minnesota’s third NCAA Hockey championship in five years

3. The Hatch girls will never spend a day in jail

2. Any time Learned Foot quotes constitutional law, he's just talking out of his rear end

1. Scott Johnson is extremely manly