Top 11 Romantic Nicknames from Garrison Keillor

If you’re like me, you read this post by Saint Paul and asked yourself: “Why can’t I come up with awesome endearing nicknames like Garrison Keillor?” The answer is that you, like me, are not an ultra-smooth wordsmith like Garrison.

Saint Paul quotes the City Pages:
... the troupe's new CD, Oh My! (self-released), recorded at Jason Keillor's Angel Tits studio in Wisconsin. (According to the press release, "Angel Tits" was how Jason's father, Garrison Keillor, addressed Jason's mother in his early love letters.)

I guess I can’t use “Angel Tits” now that Jason Keillor has used it as the name for his recording studio (not that I can blame him). But, I did scour Garrison Keillor’s love letters for his top 11 other romantic nicknames:

11. Holy Hooters

10. Nihil-breasts in Golf Bras

9. Pretty Good Poontang

8. Noam Cha Chas

7. Hairy Backed Swamp Developer

6. Angle Tits (possibly a typo)

5. Brokeback Buns

4. Silicone Satans

3. George W. Bush

2. Above Average Ass

1. Powdermilk Biscuits

UPDATE FOR THE LOS ANGELES TIMES: This post is satire. I did not get any of the above eleven items from Garrison Keillor’s love letters. I would not read Garrison Keillor’s love letters under any circumstances (or for any amount of money).