Top 11 Indications That Rep. John Murtha May, In Fact, Be A Coward

Republicans have been quick to point out that while they disagree with Rep. John Murtha on Iraq, they don’t question his courage or patriotism. Maybe we were a bit hasty in declining to question his courage. Here are the top 11 indications that John Murtha may, in fact, be a coward:

11. He hides under Nancy Pelosi’s skirt every time Tom DeLay walks by.

10. He won’t attend any fundraisers also attended by Billy Crystal because Crystal reminds him of that scary movie “Monsters, Inc.”.

9. He refuses to come on the NARN show to debate John Hinderaker (also an indication that Murtha may work for the Star Tribune).

8. Never says anything when Speaker Hastert steals his lunch.

7. Most listened to song on his iPod: “Coward of the County” by Kenny Rogers.

6. Every time I see Murtha he tells me that he’s a big fan of Arsenal and the Herd, but then he turns around and tells Deacon that he’s an Everton man.

5. He pays Tom Lantos a carton of cigarettes a week to watch his back in the cloakroom.

4. Has refused to eat at KFC ever since this avian flu thing came up.

3. Every Halloween he cowers in his closet until the “little satans” stop haunting him.

2. He won’t drink Captain Morgan Rum because of the scary pirate on the bottle.

1. Every time he sees the French Ambassador, he offers to surrender.