Top 11 Highlights Of The Vikings New Code Of Conduct

The Vikings have come out with a 77 page Code of Conduct for the organization. No professional athlete has the time for that much reading, so I will boil it down to the top 11 highlights:

11. Under no circumstances is any player, coach, or staff member to imply that Daunte Culpepper fumbles a lot because he has small hands.

10. When in Minnesota, use Minnesota hookers.

9. When traveling in Asia, avoid open-air poultry markets.

8. Under no circumstances is Rep. John Murtha’s patriotism to be questioned, no matter what he does.

7. If Paris Hilton is spotted on Viking’s property, notify security immediately.

6. Even when outside of Minneapolis, no biking while wearing headphones.

5. In the event an offensive player should find himself in the end zone – oh, never mind.

4. The front office is required to come up with an exit strategy from Coach Tice’s contract.

3. No more than two players may urinate on any given lawn at one time.

2. Each player is expected to give no less than 108% on or off the field.

1. If arrested, say you play for the Packers.