Monday, November 14, 2005

Where To Live: End Of Discussion

Mitch and others have been debating which place is best to live: Chris Coleman’s St. Paul, suburbia, or in a dumpster behind a KFC. I think they’re all wrong. The best place to live is on your own Tahitian island. Here is my case:

10. The Market - Everything is expensive here because it has to be shipped from the mainland, but so what? I can afford it.

9. Centralization - Being in the middle of the Pacific thousands of miles from the mainland has its disadvantages, but the commute isn’t bad if you have your own BBJ.

8. Döner - I like seafood.

7. Suburban Schools Suck, Too - Tahitian schools probably suck too, but I don’t have any kids.

6. Covenants - No one tells me what color sand to put on my beach.

5. Suburbs Fill Me With a Soul-Crushing Ennui – If anything, there isn’t enough soul-crushing ennui here on the island.

4. Massive Passive Aggression – Owning your own island == no neighbors.

3. Criminals Are Breakable - The only real crime problem around here is piracy, and that’s mostly moved on to Somalia.

2. It's The Only Home My Kids Know, and It's Not A Bad One – I don’t have any kids, but the trophy wives don’t seem to think it’s a bad home.

1. It's My City - You want history? Marlon Brando used to live on the next island over.

I do know what you St. Paulites are about to go through – Tahiti is administered by the French.


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