Where To Live?
I'm writing you from my local library regarding the latest argument between Mitch and JB. Mitch hates the idea of living in a home in the suburbs while JB hates the idea of living in a home in the city. In a way I agree and disagree with both of them. I hate the idea of living in a home, period. That's why I live behind a dumpster of a local KFC restaurant. Here are my reasons formatted in rebuttal to Mitch:
11. The Market- Mitch got a bargain on his urban home. Big f***'n deal, I never pay a cent on a mortgage.
10. Centralization- Mitch is happy that he lives in a central location so he can work anywhere in the Twin Cities. The best part of living in a dumpster is I don't work anywhere at all.
9. Dinner- Mitch brags that he lives near a bunch of Korean restaurants. Again I win, 'cause I live behind a KFC. At the end of their day, I get all the left-over chicken and biscuits free of charge.
8. Suburban Schools Suck Too- I didn't give a damn about school for myself. For my kids, I leave that to their baby mamas.
7. Covenants- I agree with Mitch. No one can tell me what color I should paint my place. Or where to take a leak, for that matter.
6. Suburbs Fill Me With a Soul-Crushing Ennui- I also don't like them because they enforce laws against aggressive panhandling and vagrancy.
5. Massive Passive Aggression- Fight the power! Don't be telling me to get a job or take a shower.
4. Criminals Are Breakable- Any playa haters f*** with me and I will cut 'em!
3. It's The Only Home My Kids Know, and It's Not A Bad One - As stated earlier, home is a problem for the baby mama.
2. It's My City - Damn straight, homeslice. I am king here. I may get picked up for vagrancy, vandalism, public intoxication or larceny every now and then. But I know the police and court system aren't serious. The gubmint even gives me an ATM card to collect public assistance. And now with Chris Coleman elected, the pandering is just beginning!
1. The Public Library has to let me surf for porn and read NIGP!