Top 11 Reasons Concertgoing Girls Rioted At Brookdale Mall

Last Saturday a riot broke out at Brookdale Mall, at a performance of the boy band B5 (no, I've never heard of them either). The rioters consisted of their audience, mostly pre-teen girls. Here are the major reasons:

11. Factions of the crowd took JB & Mitch's "City v. Suburbs" debate to violent extremes
10. Crowd became agitated as there was much underage drinking going on and someone thought they spotted Trish Van Pilsum
9. The pre-teens became enraged when they saw that they had lost money yet again following the Nihilist's college football parlay recommendations
8. Anger erupted when it became evident that Sisyphus wouldn't win the election for MOB Mayor
7. Someone got served, then it was on, next everything spun out of control
6. Wanted to make a statement that the suburbs have violent crime too
5. Just learned that the Gopher men's hockey team won the 2002 NCAA Hockey title
4. MoveOn.org organized the concert
3. Just a bunch of girls playing French and Muslims
2. After quiet reflection, determined rioting is what Wellstone would do
1. Suddenly realized that B5 sucks