Monday, July 04, 2005

Top 11 Ideas Thomas Jefferson Didn't Have as He Wrote the Declaration of Independence

11. This war is all about oil.
10. You may not like the British, but you've got to admire their dental hygiene.
9. King George is worse than . . . Damn, I wish I had someone to personify a universal symbol of evil to compare with my enemies.
8. Once the war begins, I'll make a killing on my Haliburton stock.
7. Hee hee! Now George W. and I can enact our secret plan for a draft.
6. Now on to the next most important issue, gay marriage.
5. Under our new government, private property rights will be subject to the whims of local city councils.
4. I know we can win, thanks to the valor and heroics of our French allies.
3. This revolution has become a quagmire. We don't even have an exit strategy.
2. Oops! I used "God" in the first paragraph. What will the ACLU think?
1. Some day, I envision an America with a grand communications medium that can reach all citizens. And on that medium we will show programming that will inspire and enlighten the human condition. And we will call that programming "The Real World: Austin!"


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