Saturday, July 02, 2005

One Day in the Life of Sisyphus – (evening)

PART III: Can a woman who has a pint of Guinness understand a man who has no beer?

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the final part of a three Part serialization. For part two, click here and for part one click here.

Sisyphus’ idea of a happy evening was when they got back to the hut and didn’t find Members of Congress swarming everywhere. One evening he’d returned to the hut and found that a donut left under his pillow was gone. A few minutes later he spotted Senator Kennedy – with chocolate sprinkles on his tie. As a result, he had carved the donut-shaped “Teddy-hole” into his mattress. Today, the “Teddy-hole” had once again served its purpose: the donut was still there! It would keep until after interrogation. But first, time for dinner.

Gang 104 was the second to last into the mess hall. Sisyphus spotted movement at the prime table near the fireplace, the one with the ocean view. Just as the previous gang was leaving, Sisyphus claimed the table. Gang 104 would enjoy a Caribbean view tonight as they dined on seven full ounces of Tandouri Chicken Breasts, Carrots, Brussels Sprouts, Strawberries, Rice Pilaf, and Whole Wheat Pita.

The enjoyment of dinner was tempered by the knowledge that there were to be interrogations tonight. Sisyphus wondered who his interrogator would be tonight.

It was Annie, his favorite. Annie began: “Excuse me, sir; if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, I’d like to ask you a couple of questions.”

“You know what might loosen my tongue a bit?” Sisyphus answered, “a nice pint of Guinness, and why don’t you join me.”

“Sorry sir, we’re not allowed to supply alcohol to detainees. I thought you Muslims couldn’t drink.” Can a woman who has a pint of Guinness understand a man who has no beer?

“No I’m not a Muslim, I’m here to fill in the non-Muslim quota insisted on by Congressional Democrats.”

“Okay, so maybe your treasonous takeover of Nihilist in Golf Pants wasn’t an Al Qaeda operation, but you don’t expect me to believe you were acting alone, do you?”

Sisyphus shifted defiantly, “I’m not giving up my homies if that’s what you’re driving at.”

“Well then you leave me know choice but to whip out these”, said Annie gesturing to her chest.

“I’m no stoolie. Bring it on.”

After several minutes of torture, Sisyphus was released from interrogation and proud of the fact that he didn’t give up his accomplices (The Attic, Fraters Libertas, and EckerNet).
Sisyphus returned to hut 7 and his bunk. He carefully removed the stitches from his mattress and retrieved the donut he’d hidden there that morning. It was just what he needed to restore his energy after interrogation. He finished the last bite just as the lights out bell clanged.

Sisyphus felt pleased with life as he went to sleep. A lot of good things had happened today. His interrogator had been quite hot. He’d snagged four extra donuts. He’d enjoyed painting the lines on the soccer field. His gang had won the soccer game and earned an extra three ounces of Tandouri Chicken Breasts.

Just one of the days of his sentence in Gulag Guantanamo.


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