Thursday, February 03, 2005

Negotiations in the Works

No, I'm not talking about my potential congressional run in 2006. I'm talking about the screenplay I've been shopping around Hollywood. You see after the Passion of the Christ, the major studios have begun to realize there's money to be made by appealing to us folk over in Jesusland.

In order to cash in on that realization, I quickly penned a screenplay about bloggers titled, "The Mob Rules." The plot should be kind of the opposite of All the President's Men and loosely based on reality. Instead of reporters uncovering corruption and cover-ups to bring down the the evil Nixon, bloggers uncover corruption and cover-ups to bring down evil reporters. However, there is a Judas among the bloggers, a sociopathic psycho who infiltrates the MOB with plans to kill everyone. Who will stop him? Of course, the Nihilist in Golf Pants and Sisyphus.

Negotiations are the word of the day, as Ronnie James Dio is still asking a steep price for the rights to "The Mob Rules," as the title song.

Casting has been difficult. Here was my wish list, with a few comments (you're on your own for most of the links):

NIGP - The Rock
Sisyphus - Vin Diesel
Pink Monkeybird - John Malkovich
St. Paul - Frank Caliendo
Chad The Elder - Jeff Goldblum
Atomizer - Keaneau Reeves
Jo - Cameron Diaz
Margaret Martin - Ashley Judd
Cap'n Ed - Tommy Lee Jones
Terry Keegan Sean Connery
Virginia Keegan Cybil Shephard
St. Paul's Groupie #1 - Jessica Simpson
St. Paul Groupie #2 - Pamela Anderson Lee

Note that Billy Bob Thornton turned down the role of Pink Monkeybird, due to a fear that the character is a little further out there than the roles he usually chooses. I'm afraid Malkovich might feel the same way.

Here are some actors who have signed on for the film, should we get it made:

Learned Foot - Andrew "Dice" Clay
V-Toed Bill - Tom Arnold
James Lileks - Charles Martin Smith
Patrick Campion - Wayne Knight
Nathan Anderson - Joey Fatone
Laura Billings - Eve Plumb
Mitch Berg - John Ashton

Note: Danny Woodburn has signed on and has read for the parts of David Strom and Marty Newton. He may have to perform in a Peter Sellers-like dual role. I also had Denver Pyle slated for the role of Cap'n Fishsticks, then I found out he was dead. Finally, yes I did leave the Powerliners out of this bit for fear of being sued. I left Nick Coleman out just for spite.


Blogger Sisyphus said...

Bill Murray is Captain Fishsticks.

9:57 PM  
Blogger Chad The Elder said...

Jeff Goldblum? How about Michael Stipe, Conan O'Brien, or the Marlboro Man (three people who I've been compared to in the past)?

The Rock as you? Not bloody likely. Try Adam Corrola.

And I can't believe that your forgot that Andy Dick is Atomizer.

Back to the casting couch my dear man. I think PMB has the next appointment.

1:07 AM  
Blogger LearnedFoot said...

There is only one actor that can pull off Lileks: Bob Balaban.


9:13 AM  
Blogger Sisyphus said...

I’m afraid we’ll have to fire NIGP as casting director.

PMB – David Bowie, obviously
Margaret Martin – Penelope Cruz
David Strom – Ricky Gervais (or Ellen DeGeneres if we play up his lesbianism)
Chad The Elder – Jon Stewart
Sisyphus – Mel Gibson
V-Toed Bill – Fabio
Mitch Berg – Randy Quaid

Chad was correct on:
Atomizer – Andy Dick
NIGP – Adam Corolla

Learned Foot was correct on:
Lileks – Bob Balaban

Additional Cast for the big Keegan’s Trivia finale:
If we do have a Nick Coleman cameo – Larry David
Bogus Doug – the guy who played Michael Bolton in Office Space
Noodles – Paul Newman
Macaroni Penguin – Jennifer Coolidge
First Ringer – Josh Hartnet
Mark W. – Matt Damon
Gary DvK – introducing Jon Lauck
JD – Garrison Keillor
JB – Ben Affleck
St. Paul’s Groupie #3 – Lisa Loeb
St. Paul’s Groupie #4 – Angelina Jolie

9:39 AM  
Blogger King said...

You will regret the slight. You'll never work in this town again.

11:12 AM  
Blogger David said...

Right on the money for me! Danny Woodburn is just 3 days younger than me!

He may be a bit tall for me though...


2:04 PM  

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