Top 11 Obama Plans to Diffuse the Situation In Baltimore

11. Have Michelle visit the city to encourage more Whole Foods to open so rioters have healthier looting options

10. Point out to rioters that their actions are only creating more racist murdering police

9.  Offer to cave in to all demonstrators' demands while getting nothing in return (the Cuba/Iran playbook) 

8.  Send Amy Klobuchar back to the corn field to come up with some fresh ideas

 

7.  Send Tweet:  #FundmentallyTransformAmerica  Wait, you thought I was serious about that?

6.  Issue a statement: Sure the rioting in Baltimore was disturbing, but we shouldn't get on a high horse & ignore the far more horrific sacking of Jerusalem during the First Crusade

5.  Pledge to drive out legacy of racism left over from last Republican Mayor Theodore McKeldin in 1967

4.  Send Al Sharpton in to calm the situation

3.  Have his economic advisors explain how riots actually act as Keynesian stimulators and thus are good for the economy

2.  Appear at event with local sports heroes Ray Rice and Ray Lewis to condemn violence
 
1.  Go off to play golf and hope everything somehow works itself out (the Obama Doctrine)