Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Top 11 Reasons John Boehner's Bartender Plotted to Kill Him

11. Boehner kept using cheese doodle barsnack to make do it yourself tanner

10. Boehner kept bragging that he, not Buffalo Wild Wings, controls the outcome of sporting events

9.  Bartender obsessed by the charismatic potential of Speaker of the House of Representatives Louis Gohmert

8.  Boehner is known as the Cliff Claven of Congress

7.  Boehner acted pretty much like Atomizer does at bars

6.  Boehner claimed that pressure from the Tea Party prohibited him from tipping

5.  Bartender repeatedly referring to him as "Mr. Boner" resulted in complaints to management and negative career ramifications

4.  Boehner launches into a string of profanity if anyone tries to turn the bar TVs away from C-SPAN

3.  Bartender turned off by Boehner's insistence that his Bloody Marys be made using real orphan blood

2.  Bartender didn't like how he always had to help prop Boehner up on his barstool due to lack of back bone

1.  Bartender knew his job would be among the first to go if open borders and amnesty were granted


Anonymous Saint Paul said...

My companion submission for "Mr. Boner" item was too hot for the Nihilist!

9:17 PM  

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