Thursday, December 18, 2014

Top 11 Demands Of Hollywood From Kim Jong Un

Now that Kim has been successful in bullying Hollywood as the Obama administration impotently stands by, his demands are getting bolder. Here are his top 11 new demands and the threats backing them up:

11. The truth that your average North Korean is taller than Tom Cruise must be exposed or Beverly Hills will be radiated
 
10. George Clooney must admit that he's spent his entire life dating Kim's cast-offs or cities will turn to ash

9. A Kim biopic must star Brad Pitt (after eye surgery) and include scenes of Kim dominating Kobe Bryant in basketball and Tiger Woods in golf (both athletes to play themselves) or else clouds of gas will choke your imperialist air

8.  Food Network executives must publicly admit that all food on the network is created with CGI or your kitchens will run deep in McDonalds wrappers
 
7.  Anne Hathaway must return to her long hair style or the sky will rain fire (Ginnifer Goodwin too)

6.  Star Wars sequels must end or the Ebola virus will infect your water supply
 
5.  Whoever green lighted "Sex Tape" must be publicly executed or missiles will be launched
 
4.  All “Fifty Shades of Gray” films must be shot in Pyongyang and star Dennis Rodman or 9/11 times a thousand will be rained down on America’s S&M clubs
  
3.  The ending of  the remake of “Red Dawn” must be re-edited to feature a victorious Kim Jung Un being rapturously welcomed by a joyous newly liberated American public or your capitalist running dogs will be butchered and served up to loyal North Korean subjects
 
2.  Michael Moore must direct a propaganda documentary on the glories of socialism or the streets of Hollywood will run red with the blood of .... wait a minute, he already did that, several times, never mind

1.  “Real Housewives of Pyongyang” must become number 1 American TV show, or prepare to be exposed to hacked nude selfies of Roseanne Barr

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