Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Top 11 Things Nancy Pelosi Knows About Newt That Will End His Presidential Campaign

Nancy Pelosi appeared on CNN yesterday with some disturbing revelations. And I'm not just talking about her new hair cut. She also had some salacious innuendo to pass along about Newt Gingrich:

Nancy Pelosi told CNN last night that Newt Gingrich would definitely not become president, whether he was the GOP nominee or not.

"He’s not going to be president of the United States,” Pelosi said. “That’s not going to happen. Let me just make my prediction and stand by it. It isn’t going to happen.” Asked why she was so certain by CNN host John King, Pelosi said, “There’s something I know,” but did not elaborate on what she was referring to.

That has the unmistakeable air of a Eugene Joe McCarthy boast about having a list of 205 known Communists in his pocket. Of course, Tail Gunner Joe never shared that list with the public. Time will tell if Pelosi ever does. Until then, we'll have to settle for our speculation on the Top 11 Things Nancy Pelosi Knows About Newt That Will End His Presidential Campaign.

11) attended a church for 20 years led by an America-hating preacher

10) is friends with 60's radicals who once bombed US government buildings

9) has several relatives who are illegal aliens

8) wants to bankrupt energy companies that use coal

7) is a proven ideological zealot

6) doesn't believe gays have the right to get married

5) used as a fundraiser a felon convicted of corruption, fraud, and money laundering

4) sold guns to Mexican drug cartels

3) believes Americans are bitter and cling to guns, religion, and antipathy toward people not like them

2) once claimed there are 57 states in the United States

1) believes he has the power to slow the rise of the oceans

Oops, mistake there. Those are the Top 11 Things Nancy Pelosi Knows About Barack Obama But Makes Her Want to Re-Elect Him Anyway. I shudder to think what she has on Newt that will beat this impressive record!

UPDATE: My editor, the Nihilist himself, phoned in from somewhere on the Vegas strip with a correction. The communist baiter referenced above was Joe McCarthy, NOT Eugene McCarthy. We regret the error and will submit this for consideration on the next This Week in Gatekeeping for HWX.

The Nihilist also averred that if Eugene McCarthy were carrying a list of communists in his pocket, his own name would be on it.


Blogger Douglas said...

You forgot the part about Newt suggesting that Fonzie try to jump a shark on Happy Days

4:15 PM  

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