Thursday, January 12, 2012

Top 11 Reasons Mitt Romney Likes Firing People

Mitt Romney recently helped the mainstream media toward their goal of reelecting President Obama. He served up a perfect quote that can be taken out of context to help them validate their narrative that he is an evil, heartless, robber baron.

Romney's words during a breakfast forum of the Nashua Chamber of Commerce included these words on why the free market is a better provider of goods and services than the government:

I like being able to fire people who provide services to me. You know, if someone doesn't give me the good service I need, I want to say, ‘You know, I'm going to get someone else to provide this service to me.'

The media is happy to cut the quote off at the end of the first sentence. Even Romney's Republican rivals have been happy to take his words out of context. In that spirit, we've come up with the top 11 media analyst explanations for their out of context conclusion that Romney derives pleasure from firing people:

11. Hasn't yet been visited by Marley or the three Christmas ghosts

10. Has choreographed an entire "You're Soooo Fired" routine complete with sequined dancers

9. Most people look like Newt Gingrich to him

8. Feels like he’s helping the economy every time he fires someone ever since Nancy Pelsoi explained to him the stimulative effects of unemployment benefits

7. Likes to pretend he's Donald Trump

6. Prides himself on so discouraging the losers he fires that they drop out of the workforce and thus don’t hurt the unemployment rate

5. Loves making the cha-ching sound effect as he explains to the employee how much money he is saving by firing him

4. Mormon religious rite requires him to feast on human tears

3. Republican religious right requires him to feast on tears of the poor

2. When your religion forbids drinking, smoking, and even caffene, you have to find other ways to get a thrill

1. Only way he can achieve an erection


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