Top 11 Reasons The International Olympic Committee Rejected Chicago's Bid To Host The 2016 Olympics

11. Required that the host nation be financially solvent

10. Still angry over lack of prostitutes at the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics

9. Refused to accept Obama's demand that ACORN have exclusive rights to manage prostitution at the 2016 games

8. After listening to Obama's speeches for the last nine months, IOC decided that America wasn't really that great a place after all

7. Everyone knows that totalitarian regimes put on the best Olympics, but the committee decided against Chicago anyway

6. Committee didn't feel that Michelle Obama had sacrificed quite enough

5. IOC members kept confusing it with Cleveland

4. The IOC is far more afraid of the possible repercussions of offending a guy named Lula than the President of the United States

3. Athletes would have to wait until 2020 for treatment of injuries under Obamacare

2. Brazilian women look better in thongs than those sausage-snarfing Chicago chicks

1. Persistent rumors that Chicago's big shoulders were steroid enhanced