Top Eleven Changes To The Health Care Reform Bill That Democrats Are Planning To Make It More Palatable To The American People

11. Doctors required to perform mandatory reach arounds with all rectal exams

10. IRS agents will heretofore be prohibited from performing colonoscopies

9. Drug company executives who run erectile dysfunction ads during sporting events to be water-boarded and sent to Guantanamo Bay

8. Promise to recruit only med students who resemble the cast of Grey's Anatomy

7. Free breast examinations provided by Bill Clinton

6. Free hernia screenings provided by Barney Frank

5. Cash for Honkers program allows women to trade in old breast implants for larger models

4. New magazines in all doctor's office waiting rooms

3. Death panels to be televised and include judges from American Idol

2. 100% coverage for hair plugs

1. Cash for Clunkers program instituted for old, useless relatives