Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Well, The Names Have All Changed Since You Hung Around

Tonight is the premier of the 21st season of "The Real World" (9 pm CST on MTV).

While they didn't take my advice and make "The Real World: Gaza," featuring an IDF sergeant, a Hammas terrorist, and some chick who does both of them and a bunch of kids who alternately fight and then pair off, they did the next best thing.

"The Real World: Brooklyn" features a cast of characters that probably won't stand out much from their new neighbors (thanks to Wikipedia for the bio's):

- Scott is an personal trainer, model and actor who has been working out since the age of 14. He recently received the designation of having the "best abs on the East Coast", and was featured in Men's Health magazine. A beefy jerk who works out all day? Who'd of thought you'd find that in Brooklyn?

- Katelynn is an Italian-American transwoman who had a rough childhood. She first realized her gender dysphoria in high school, and began living as a woman at 17. Something tells me that Brooklyn is awash in Italian-Americans with gender dysphoria.

- Chet has been described as a "punk rock Mormon", a "hipster" and "straight as an arrow", who eschews alcohol and premarital sex. He is a conservative Republican. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our villain.

- Ryan was in the Army for three and a half years, having enlisted at the age of 17. He spent a year in Iraq, guarded Saddam Hussein at his trial, and suffered a number of near-death experiences. I'm betting that Ryan is either another bad guy, or his wartime experience has completely changed him and he has become like the Tom Cruise character from "Born on the Fourth of July."

- J.D. is a gay man who ran away from an abusive home at thirteen, and now works as a dolphin trainer. This guy reminds me of Lou Gosset's quote from "An Officer and a Gentleman": Only two things come from Brooklyn: aquatic mammals and queers. I don't see no dorsal fin on you!

- Baya has been described as "the token cute white female" and "laid back", though she suffers from panic attacks. Raised by hippie parents, she is a dedicated hip-hop DJ who aspires to be a dancer, and She is active in social and environmental causes. Last season, MTV began using Real World to preach environmentalism. Who better to learn from than a bunch of layabouts.

- Sarah is an artist who suffered a traumatic upbringing that included sexual abuse. Another Real World staple.

- Devyn was Miss American Teen in 2005, and a Miss Missouri Teen. She has been described as a flirtatious diva who likes attention at clubs and on stage, and a sexual person who likes to tease men, and juggle multiple suitors. A slut? Yawn.

Happy TV viewing!


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