Top 11 Reasons The Jack Pine Community Center Is Closing Down

11. Despite "countless hours of ping pong" at the center, for some reason the spark of revolution never caught fire

10. The name "Jack Pine" comes off as too male-centric

9. Being replaced by an expensive space that is specifically "pro-oppression"

8. Threatening to move to North Carolina unless they get lucrative tax subsidy

7. Difficult collecting dues from anarchists

6. Draconian "No shirt, no shoes, no service" policy alienated most of the community

5. Landlord is an evil capitalist who insists on being paid "rent"

4. Crowded out by the other 1,000 Marxist "community groups" within the city of Minneapolis

3. With Obama on the verge of being elected, no further change is needed

2. Landlord refused to accept "energy" in lieu of rent money

1. Losing too many customers to the neighboring Jack Ass Community Center