Jim Klobuchar’s Super Strib Fans

[The Super Strib Fans are gathered around a table in the cafeteria of the Minneapolis StarTribune]

Jim Klobuchar:
Good afternoon, my friends, and welcome to “Jim Klobuchar’s Super Strib Fans”. I’m Jim Klobuchar and with me as always are the Super Strib Fans: Jim Boyd … Nick Coleman … Kate Parry … and The Old Scout.

Super Strib Fans:
Hey, Jim

The Old Scout:
Yo, wassup, dawg?

Jim Klobuchar:
Aight, here we are coming to you from Minneapolis, Minnesota, the heart of DFL country and the home, of course, to a certain newspaper which has carved out a spot on the Mt. Rushmore of journalistic greatness. That newspaper, which is known the world over as … Da Strib!

Super Strib Fans:
Da Strib! Da Strib!

Jim Klobuchar:
Okay, as you all know, we have an election coming up. How about some predictions on what the final Minnesota Poll will say in the U.S. Senate race.

Kate Parry:
Why are we predicting the results of the poll and not the election?

Jim Boyd:
Are you suggesting that they’ll be different?

Kate Parry:
Oh, you mean the Rod Daves Minnesota Poll? If anything the Minnesota Poll will be more accurate than the election because the Republicans can’t cheat on the Minnesota Poll.

Jim Klobuchar:
Final Minnesota Poll, Kennedy or Amy. Your predictions?

Nick Coleman:
Da Strib’s Amy 84, Kennedy 8

Kate Parry:
Da Strib 92, Kennedy 2 !! Da Strib! Da Strib!

Jim Boyd:
Da Strib’s Amy 105, bad Kennedy -3

Kate Parry:
-3?

Jim Boyd:
Hey, Rod Daves will find a way!

Super Strib Fans:
Da Strib!! Da Strib!!

Jim Klobuchar:
Old Scout, how do you see it?

The Old Scout:
Da Strib 78, Kennedizza 20

Jim Boyd:
What? Is that supposed to be a joke, funny boy?

The Old Scout:
Da sizzle ofa kizzle Kennedy izza grizza closa. He’ll make it a race-zilla. Dats how I see it dawg.

Jim Klobuchar:
Calm down everybody, he sees a close race. That’s his prerogative. Now gentlemen, let me ask you this …

Kate Parry:
I’m not a gentleman, I’m a woman.

Nick Coleman:
Are you contradicting again Parry?

Kate Parry:
Oh, no. I know that you know stuff. Good job, Klowby!

Jim Klobuchar:
Now gentleman, let me ask you this: Who would win, the Strib or a class five tornado?

The Old Scout:
Yo, class five? Da Tornado, but it would be close

Kate Parry:
I would go with the tornado too!

Jim Klobuchar:
But what, if Mark Dayton warned da Strib about the tornado?

The Old Scout:
Da Strib!

Jim Boyd:
Da Strib!

Kate Parry:
Da Strib!

Nick Coleman:
Da Strib!

Jim Klobuchar:
Well, I see we’re out of time. Now remember to tune in next week when we’ll discuss T-Paw versus da Strib for Governor. Aight, Strib vs. Meryl Streep. Who would win the Academy Award for best actress, Strib or Streep?

Super Strib Fans:
Da Strib! Da Strib! Da Strib!