Friday, July 21, 2006

I Can't Just Leave It There!

I have had it with being intimidated by feral animals. That's twice now that I have been stared down by a deer while on my walk.

It's quite emasculating I have to say.

The first time happened as I was walking on a trail through the woods. At the top of a hill by a clearing was a doe, standing there, intently staring as I approached. Usually beasts like this flee when they see a human coming, but she stood her ground. I stopped. She stamped her hoof (quick aside, reminds me of this scene in Goodfellas with Joe Pesci discussing the supposed deer he hit with his mother:

Mrs. DeVito, Tommy's Mother (Catherine Scorsese): "Where've you been?"
Tommy: "Mom, I've been working nights."
Tommy's Mother: "And?"
Tommy: "And, well, tonight we were out late. We took a ride on the-- out to the country and we hit one of those deers. And that's where all the blood came from. I told you. Jimmy told you before. Anyway, that reminds me, Ma, I need this knife. I'm gonna take this, it's okay?"
Tommy's Mother: "Okay, yeah"
Tommy: "I just need it for a lttle while."
Tommy's Mother: "But bring it back. You know?"
Tommy: "Well, the poor thing, it got-- I hit him and this, uh-- We hit the deer and his paw-- What do you call that?"
Tommy's Mother: "The paw?"
Tommy: "The paw, the..."
Tommy's Mother: "The foot."
Jimmy: "The hoof."
Tommy: "Yeah, the hoof got caught in the grill and I gotta, I gotta hack it off."
Tommy's Mother: "Ooh."
Tommy: "Ah, Ma, it's a sin, I can't leave it there, you know.")

…So she stamped her hoof at me as if to say "Hold it right there pal". I didn't move. We continued the showdown for several more minutes, neither wanting to give any ground. Then in one dramatic move, the deer blew a huge load of snot out of her nose and darted away. Scared the hell out of me.

Last night was similar. This deer stood in the path as I approached and did not move. Time for another showdown. This time I clapped my hands and made yipping noises. Nothing. Finally as defiantly as she could, this one sauntered off into the woods dismissively as though I was no threat whatsoever.

"Maybe I have a gun and could of like shot you or something!" I wanted to yell.

Dumb deers.


Anonymous Huge Hewitt said...


11:17 AM  
Blogger Nihilist in Golf Pants said...

You should have made a noise like Kramer did when he was trying to distract Joe DiMaggio.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Will said...

The grannie from Oklahoma would be cooking up a nice venison stew right now...

1:40 PM  
Blogger Tyler Farrer said...

Once I came across a huge, and deadly, brown snake outside the home of some neighbors. I went inside to warn them to keep their kids inside.

They sent out the five year old to dispatch the snake with a two-by-four.

Now that is emasculating.

11:57 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

You got busted!

I've been busted by a doe while up in my treestand; talk about emasculating, and I'm a woman!

8:38 AM  

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