Saturday, July 22, 2006

Appease Me

Ever notice how the left often wants to give in to the demands of terrorists in the hopes that they’ll stop being so mean? Me too, and it got me to wondering why they never seem to be willing to appease me. Is it because I’m not a terrorist or criminal? Or maybe it’s just that I’ve never asked to be appeased. To cover that option, here are my top 11 demands:

11. Scarlett Johansson must agree to become my next trophy wife

10. Larry David must agree to start making funny episodes of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” again

9. Ten wins must be knocked off the Detroit Tiger’s record so as to make the American League Central race interesting

8. Drew Pearson and the NFL must acknowledge that Pearson pushed off from Nate Wright in the 1975 NFC playoffs. They must apologize and admit that the Vikings probably would have gone on to win Super Bowl X if not for the cheating

7. The producers of “The OC” must say that the last season was all a dream and that they didn’t really kill off Marissa

6. All this talk about back dated stock options being illegal must stop

5. The NHL must invalidate the Ryan Potulny and Danny Irmen contracts and the NCAA must allow them to return to the Gopher Hockey team

4. Al Gore and Tom Brokaw must stop making pseudo-scientific documentaries

3. Anoka county traffic officials must do a better job of synching the traffic lights on County Road 10

2. Oliver Stone must admit that the Warren commission was absolutely correct and that Lee Harvey Oswald was acting alone

1. Since the French especially love to appease, they must hand over anything I want form the Louvre, anytime I want it

8 Comments:

Anonymous John F Not Kerry said...

"Drew Pearson and the NFL must
acknowledge that Pearson pushed off from Nate Wright in the 1975 NFC playoffs. They must apologize and admit that the Vikings probably would have gone on to win Super Bowl X if not for the cheating."

Will you poor babies never get over that? I mean c'mon! Michael Jordan shoved poor Bryon Russell of the Utah Jazz to the floor in front of 3 refs and then knocked down a legendary game-winning shot. I'm sure if that had been called the Jazz probably would have won the title that year. But I have never heard ANYONE other than myself talk about it. Granted, I live nowhere near Utah, and haven't found any real Jazz fans out there anyway. But when I tell people around here that I am a Cowboys fan from way back (I'm 40), they always have to bring up Drew Pearson. I had nothing to do with it! But I'm sure glad the Cowboys won! Now, would you lke to talk about Herschel Walker?

11:18 PM  
Anonymous john f not kerry said...

Just so you know, I grew up in upstate NY and moved here in 1990.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Jordan said...

Scarlett would be your next trophy wife?
Who was the first?

11:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Re: #1

German graffiti: "Social justice means everything for everyone, immediately and for free."

8:48 AM  
Blogger Sisyphus said...

John F: The Pearson push-off was devestating to many Minnesotans who were in their formative Viking-fan years when it occurred. That is why so many of us are cynical about the Vikes.

Jordan: Carmen Electra

9:33 AM  
Anonymous John F Not Kerry said...

Sisyphus-

I have seen that all too well. The interesting thing to me is that coverage of the Vikes is much more entertaining when they lose. Having seen how insufferable Red Sox fans have become in 2 short years, I only hope Minnesotans would do better.

12:37 PM  
Anonymous Chris H said...

"Drew Pearson and the NFL must
acknowledge that Pearson pushed off from Nate Wright in the 1975 NFC playoffs. They must apologize and admit that the Vikings probably would have gone on to win Super Bowl X if not for the cheating."

I was in Vegas about 10 years ago, grabbed a seat at a black jack table in I believe the Tropicana, the dealer had a name tag on it that had his name and hometown which happened to be Dallas. As I sat down, all I said was "He pushed off".... the next 3 hours were of a rich discussion of the game with not only the dealer but several other people that wandered in and out during that time.

4:12 PM  
Blogger Chad The Elder said...

I don't think there will be any moves towards appeasement until you recognize the right of Wisconson to exist.

4:59 PM  

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