Monday, April 10, 2006

Top 11 Reasons Why The Twins Can't Hit Their Weight

When the Godfather of the Blogosphere suggests a Top 11 list, we say: “Are you sure you only want 11”. This is true no matter how repugnant the subject material (and this weekends Twins-Indians series was plenty repugnant). So, here are the top 11 reasons the Twins can’t hit their weight:

11. The Anti-Minnesota Umpiring Conspiracy

10. Not hitting was their way to protest the blatant racism of "Chief Wahoo" and stick it to The Man

9. The young Twins hitters are not yet acclimated to the smell of Lake Erie

8. In all fairness, Ted Williams in his prime couldn’t hit the weight of several of these guys

7. Distracted by fears of losing their jobs if illegal immigrants are granted amnesty

6. Fight at the bat rack over who would get to hit against "closer" Bob Wickman

5. Couldn’t get over the disappointment from when they toured the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and found no mention of The Carpenters

4. Afraid that displaying too much power will spur rumors of steroid abuse

3. Impossible to hit and at the same time ask yourself “I wonder if Hugh Hewitt will have the smart guys on this week”

2. Distracted by worries about getting shot on the way to the home opener in Minneapolis on Tuesday

1. Hitting above .250 is one of those jobs Americans won't do


Blogger Chad The Elder said...

Originally I thought that Hugh asked for the "Top 11 Reasons The Twins Can't Hit My Weight", which would be setting the bar rather high.

2:20 PM  
Blogger Roonie said...


4:37 AM  

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