Top 11 Ways Iran Plans to Inflict "Harm and Pain" on the United States
11) Add a few more syllables to President Ahmadinejad's last name
10) Air drop leaflets with pictures of women not wearing burkas to erode America's morals
9) Burn copies of beloved American anthem "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp"
8) Mass produce Paris Hilton clones, making it all but impossible to be a pimp
7) Fund the production of the next Michael Moore documentary
6) Start rumors that "American Idol" Clay Aitken might be gay
5) Pay Captain Ed to start live blogging Friday prayers in Tehran
4) Assign secret agent Angelina Jolie to systematically break up America's favorite celebrity couples
3) Refer to Donald Rumsfeld as a "chicken" until he goes hunting with Dick Cheney
2) Convince shock jock Hugh Hewitt to take less than his customary 12 weeks of vacation per year
1) Re-abduct American hostages and hold them until Jimmy Carter gets put back in office
10) Air drop leaflets with pictures of women not wearing burkas to erode America's morals
9) Burn copies of beloved American anthem "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp"
8) Mass produce Paris Hilton clones, making it all but impossible to be a pimp
7) Fund the production of the next Michael Moore documentary
6) Start rumors that "American Idol" Clay Aitken might be gay
5) Pay Captain Ed to start live blogging Friday prayers in Tehran
4) Assign secret agent Angelina Jolie to systematically break up America's favorite celebrity couples
3) Refer to Donald Rumsfeld as a "chicken" until he goes hunting with Dick Cheney
2) Convince shock jock Hugh Hewitt to take less than his customary 12 weeks of vacation per year
1) Re-abduct American hostages and hold them until Jimmy Carter gets put back in office
posted by Saint Paul at 3/08/2006 04:10:00 PM
6 Comments:
Flood American film festivals with more boring, pointless Iranian movies.
Have Garrison Keillor do a dramatic reading of Shahnameh on his PHC broadcast.
Force them to read Mark Wernimont's endless rants against the smoking bans.
12) Cindy Sheehan and William F. Buckley new hosts for American Idol.
Impose draconian smoking bans to drive small American bar owners out of business. Wait, that's already been done...
Pipe in the complete bullshit from the American Lung Association over a background of a soothing "it's for your own good, you know it's true".
Reinforce by intermittently flashing nasty videos of "the lung" in a surplus store Army uniform...pin eyelids open as necessary.
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